Don't Re-Live Your Own Drama, Mama

Middle school.

What do those words conjure up in your mind? Fun and popularity? Misfit and misfortune? Alone and invisible?

It's really quite interesting how well many adults still remember the dramas of their own teen experience.

When moms have daughters experiencing friend problems, especially girl drama, it can muster up some surprising emotions in moms still, who have not quite forgotten what they themselves experienced years ago.  Perhaps that's why a handful of adults dread having children of this age to guide- they don't feel like they were guided through, and really don't know how to navigate these years again, this time as the adult.

One word of caution- be careful not to project your old feelings and fears onto your child's experience.

If you find yourself riled up about something your daughter is going through, step back and ask yourself, "What am I really worked up about? Is it her situation, or is there something more?"

Are you re-living the old feelings you felt as a teen? Those feelings may be completely misplaced on your daughter's current situation.

Don't react quickly.

Step back.

Breathe.

Listen.

Be open minded.

Don't assume how she's feeling. Ask a question or two, but not too many.

Resist the urge to step in right away.  Help her think through how to navigate things herself.

Remember there is another side of the story. Help her try to see it from other angles.

Most problems blow over and solve themselves, so give it time.

If it's a problem that is bigger than one that would just normally blow over, let her know you're in it with her and will help her figure out how she can handle it.

Be her support and listening ear and place of acceptance.

Pray with her.

Encourage her to still act with character even when others may not.


Mom Activity just for yourself:

If you're a journaler, journal out (or at least think through) answers to these questions.

What are bad memories of girl drama that you experienced that still come to mind?

Do you have unresolved feelings about that?

Is there anything in particular you fear about your kids going through teen years?

Getting in touch with your own thoughts is one step to help you navigate through these years as a parent.