Helping Your Daughter Choose Good Friends

Just in case you hadn't heard already, last week was our first Community Workshop for girls, aka Girls 101

What a fun time we had. Many more opportunities to come, Girls 101 is just getting started!

(yes my name tag is on my skin, it wouldn't stick to my clothes)

Day one of Friendship Camp was approached by 15 fourth and fifth grade girls (most of whom didn't know each other) with the hope of fun, the slight awkwardness of not knowing people, and with a little relief that there was something to do INSIDE during the deluge of rain we received over Spring Break.

Our very brave very first volunteer got to get COVERED UP. Because there was a room full of girls that don't know each other, we wrote down thoughts that we think but don't say out loud....judgements or opinions we make at times without truly knowing someone. Ex. I don't need any more friends, I'm too shy to say anything, you look like you already know people, I think I'm cooler than you, you go to that other rival school, you look funny, etc etc. Some of the feelings are valid and we learn to work past them, but many are unfair judgments against people that blind us from new friends and opportunities!

The girls had to decide which thoughts to leave at the door! Well mission accomplished, because by lunch girls who had just met were laughing and talking it up!

As the girls spent time getting to know one another, a lengthy discussion was based around what qualities we enjoy in friends, as well as what types of things cause friction in friendships.

An object lesson involved writing down the positive and negative traits on individual circles and gluing them on a silhouette of a person. The good traits went inside, and the negative traits went outside. 

We discussed how everyone makes mistakes (and will at times do things on the outer parts!) so friends have to be open to talking through and forgiving each other. But also, if we are hanging out with a friend that does mostly negative all of the time, that sometimes we have to rethink if that is a good friendship.  Are we constantly disappointed or in conflict with a friend, or is it just occasional? Can you usually work it out together or does it just get worse?

Then the biggest question is, where do we ourselves fit? Am I mostly exhibiting the good character traits? Do I try and make the negative traits minimal? And then, where do my friends fit?

We are not judging people, but learning how to choose good relationships based on what makes healthy friendships.  All make mistakes and we must learn to discuss and forgive.

But we do have a choice of who to spend large amounts of time with and who to invest our lives in.

Who we hang out with determines much of who we become!

Discussion Starter:

Draw a big circle. What's important to you in a friendship? Think about your favorite friends. Name 5 reasons why they make a good friend and write those inside of the circle.

Now try and name 5 things that girls do that make friendships difficult- traits that girls have that make you not want to be friends with them.  Write those 5 negative traits outside of the circle.

As you look at your picture, where do you fit most of the time? Where do your friends fit most of the time?

Do you understand that everyone makes mistakes, but hopefully the majority of our behavior is positive.